I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
