I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
