I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
