Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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