CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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