All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
