I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
