It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
