I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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