apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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