lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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