I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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