It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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