when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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