Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
