Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
