She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
