i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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