this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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