So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
