I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
