I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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