I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
