hotel room ftw
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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