Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
