Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
