hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize