You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Michael Bay diarrhea
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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