the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
