Christians are straight up FREAKS
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Randomize