he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
