4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
