we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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