Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
