Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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