wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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