People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
