I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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