I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
