you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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