I met the friendliest cop last night
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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