I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
