There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
