hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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