I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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