Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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