then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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