Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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