pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize