i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
