Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
