Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
