you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
