Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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