and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
