Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
