Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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