its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
