These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
