I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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