It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize