Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
