she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
