i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
