Jerry, you need to find god
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
