we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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