She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
where are my eyebrows?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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