Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize