apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
