i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
