Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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